saya malas

i am lazy.
i had just realized this fact.
i only study to pass exams and i pick topics that are likely to be out in exams.
sepatutnye i must be competent in any topics!!
take an example:
my penguji is a cardiologist. n i was superconfident that my case will be patient jantung.
so i studied only cardio n CHF.
tiba2 i dapat cirrhosis hepatis.
tak baca langsung.
haha.padan muka.
p/s: hope lessons learnt.

i can do it

there has been a phase in my life where my thirst for knowledge and my perseverance in studies are at peak. i've done it, and im sure i can do it once again.

~End of Surgery department, welcoming dermatovenerealogy~

Malaysia, on Friday i'll return!

one step at a time

my upcoming important schedule:
5&6 feb: international health and management of new emerging diseases block exam
23-25 feb: the MOST IMPORTANT EXAM THROUGHOUT MY THEORETICAL MEDICAL YEARS- comprehension test!

27 feb- flying back to MALAYSIA =)
14 mac- compre test result announcement
14 & 15mac- beloved sis huda's wedding!
17 mac- flying back to JOGJA
23mac- if Allah's willing and if i pass compre test, i wil be entering clinical rotation. if not, i'll be entering a month later..

alhamdulillah my thesis exam had been done last week, it went quite well n alhamdulillah we surpassed for an A..=). rite now being superbusy as usual, im concentrating on getting my publication paper done, so that it will all be over quickly. i have many things to tell. later i'll tell bout our 'Untukmu Palestine' forum with MER-C the other day..

chayok...sungguh2..n sincere yaa..one step a time =)

pondering~

i'm just back from my pharmacology lab. and pondering bout my thesis workloads hence deciding to laze around for a while. browsing people's blog and blogging. people said my baju to class today was 'silau'ing. sampai hati depa. haha. apparently pharmaco lab is one of the lab i hate most in medical school since usually we have to wait very long and naturally i'm not so keen in helping out in handling the poor animals to be experimented-be it white rats, rabbits, hamsters etc. but today was bearable than usual since it only took us about half an hour to do the experiment (minus playing around) and the sample animal was a very very cute guinea pig (now i finally know how a real guinea pig looks like!). plus me n doyot n haneef rehearsed or tasmi' some of our hafazan, so it did quite kill the time. yet another report awaiting to be done. i still havent done my khidmat bakti siswa proposal-haish-the deadline's this friday lah

herm, tasha texted me just now asking for what i'd like for my upcoming birthday present, suddenly reminding me that my birthday is approaching. had it really been a year?-i can't believe it- u just start to grow faster when you're older, don't you? i think this year's birthday will be different from the previous as it will be less significant and more forgettable. you do be ignorant and more serious when you're older, hehe.

anyway, if there is, my wishlists for birthday this year are (ngengade kan-ignore this part)
1) collins english thesaurus (super small n cute pocket size)
2) muhammad- a book by karen armstrong
3) a cute jacket from sixty that me n doyot usha last time but takde our sizes (haha)
4) qur'an tajwid
5) more and more books

ok, now semangat toy-do things with compassion and semangat, banyak kerja menanti nih, fokus ye, mulakan dengan bismillah dan niat yg baek kerana Allah-supaya bernilai ibadah. k,nk stat buat keje. bismillah.

the basic dissection week

first of all, when i was younger i'd never thought that i'd pursue medicine seriously, and least of all be inclined towards surgery-i'd vowed since my 1st year that surgery would be the last thing on earth i'd wanted to specialize in.

but here i am-taking basic dissection week for my elective block-and it turns out to be quite cewl and unbelievably i turned out to be quite a compulsive dissector!

my basic dissection week started with some lectures by mas jun, dr cahaya n the alwiz ceria dr santoso.mas jun has always been one of our most favourite anatomy assistant-and now shall i say-anatomist?-still he hasn't been a letdown-wowing us with his teaching ability, patience and the intelligence of answering any questions we stormed at him. his talent n passions are indeed awesome!

i had always admired dr santoso-he's really brilliant, passionate and cheerful-haha~i was told that he'd completed his medical degree with a 4 flat!wahhh~ i wish i have his brain!- will never forget the way he'll look at us in awe when we can't recall the anatomy parts he ask-hehe!

talk about being overconfident-here was a few bloops n blunders i made during tutorial which was unrevealed and pointed out by dr cahayani during her lecture!!!-malunye saye sbb terlebih jagung(corn-fident)!!! (muke merah malu tapi buat2 xtau pandang depan je..)-->

*fossa cubiti yang telah ditambah perasa sesuka hati menjadi fossa mediana cubiti
*scaphoid dekat radius snuffbox laa bukan ulnar (kok ini ga tauu??-bisik dr cahayani dlm hati-heh he hee)
*flexor pollicis longus disalah sebut dgn nyum nyum-nya menjadi flexor palmaris longus (beda banget lokasi dua-dua muscle nihh)

a few things i just knew regarding the cadaver in anatomy lab:-
*they come from the unclaimed body from the hospital-also unclaimed in some sort of jabatan kebajikan masyarakat (lebeyh kuang)-and since the jabatan cannot afford to cover its burial cost-it'll be given to the anatomy lab of medicine faculty-n it will later be treated as a dead body with respect-dimandikan,dikapankan dan disolatkan dan didoakan supaya contributionnya ini akan menjadi amal baik buatnya di akhirat kelak..

*after undergoing the above rituals-the body will be infused with highly concentrated formalin through his artery femoralis in the right thigh for 24 hours to rid off all of the blood contained in his blood vessels and to preserve the integrity of his internal organs!

*then the cadaver will be immersed in a huge formaline pool usually containing around 20 cadavers at a time-to preserve his external body parts.

*there is a huge underground hole in the back of anatomy lab to bury off the cadavers that is no longer of/in use.

*the ones that we're using for dissection is usually aged 5-10 years (youngest is 3 months old), since the formalin strength and hence toxicity is lesser for us.

the aim of dissection is to expose the body parts as extensive as possible for the purpose of learning and identifying each structure in the body (ex: exposing the muscles plus preserving the appendages that arise alongside it like the artery, vein and nerve). and this morning dissection class- the 9 of us- 4 per group- geared up in lab coats, masks and the dissection equipments: me n shenyew dissected the cadaver's trunk while budi n shariff dissected its upper limb (tangan). later we shifted tasks since budi n shariff were tak larat to incise the thick fatty layer of the cadaver's limb (sum of the fatty layer even melted!). since i told earlier that me and shenyew were compulsive dissectors we enjoyably took over, huhu! 3 hours hardly passed by! and when it was over-i was still not done in exposing all of its arm muscles, plus a bonus for me for accidentally cut a nerve and an artery (when we're actually supposed to preserve them-ahaks!). it was overall fun n seriously a whole new learning experience-i felt really like a butcher. n tomoroe we'll proceed in dissecting the lower limb (kaki) pulak. sum assignments also have to be submitted in tomoroe and me still havent done it yet..hurmm.

i was so tired for the day and was back at home 10 minutes before maghrib after the skills lab meeting with the new assistants. it was raining extremely heavy - n i cudnt stand anymore to wait-so i just redah the rain-it was so lebat i hardly cud see. and i arrived home feeling absolutely famished and a bit off the mood-yet i knew better to rid it off quickly. herm-many works to be done-the tasks seem endless. a few thoughts on my mind:-

my wishlists:-
- sumbody to do the pkp khidmat bakti masyarakat proposal for me
- sumone to replace and pay for my motor's new shock absorber-its leaking, n for god's sake,the journey feels so bumpyish!
-ubat jerawat!

husna main dokter2

ptg td husna ajak main dokter2.comel sgt.stetoskop de kecik.tak muat nk masuk telinga sy.pastu set dokter mini mainan husna siap ade syringe dan jugak reflex hammer!which is soo cute.i've realized dat ever since we were small, we're doctrined to be doctors.no wonder,indirectly it contributes to why choosing medicine as a profession is so commercialized and popular.it's like the all season 'in thing'.well for me,i didn't really wanna be a doctor yet i was encouraged by my bestest fren marlia to be one.so i decided to just 'go with the flow'.but now,as i grow older, hence choosing to take responsibilities over my every action,i had to admit that there's a price to pay to be a physician and u have to pay the price also once u've accomplished to become one.there's a responsibility looming ahead,a message to be spreadt that is not just fulfilled by serving the sick and the needy. being a doctor is just a platform. a platform to achieve the 'other bigger things' or to reach out to the world, to extend ur heart to spread 'the bigger message' which is the message of islaam and peace..

"Katakanlah,'Inilah jalan(agama)ku,aku dan orang-orang yang mengikutiku mengajak kalian kepada Allah dengan hujah yang nyata. Mahasuci Allah, dan aku tidak termasuk orang-orang musyrik" (Yusuf:108)

with great power comes great responsibility

catarsis

today i've slept really really long hours..its been a long time since i've slept this long.today is saturday and im really glad declaring that its holiday!no class on saturday..nevertheless i have ALS skills station training dis eve afta asar.

yesterday's tutorial really did open my mind a bit.Dr Ismail was referring to the role of a doctor as catarsis.catarsis means window.u open a window to the patient's heart.catarsis is being a good listener,let the patient pour his heart out n showing empathy.n he asked us to differentiate between showing sympathy n empathy.

A doctor should show empathy but not sympathy.Sympathy is you share what the patient is feeling,n u agree with whatever the patient feels,strong emotional involvement really occurs here.but empathy is u show concern n understand the patient's feeling but not until u get emotionally involved n attached as well.n instead of agreeing with whatever the patient feels,u give alternatives to his solution.In other words,u draw a borderline,the borderline is professionalism.

Take an example.If a patient is crying n complaining about her husband and blaming him,sympathy will make u as a doctor cry as well,agree with her complains n join in in blaming her husband.But if ur empathic,u will listen well,giving proper non verbal response to the patient woes n instead of agreeing with her complains,u give alternatives,from many sides of viewpoint so a rational solution cud be derived.

And as a female (and a strongly expressive ones!), i feel that its really hard to show empathy not sympathy.As u know,females tend to be emotional n love to get emotionally involved.I think all these while,if a friend or person comes to me to 'curhat',i'd shown sympathy instead of empathy kerana tak 'sampai hati' cos u noe dat most people will be in denial when they're tangled up in a problem.

i realy need to work on my empathy not sympathy,so my mind will be healthy.hehe.who says being a doctor is easy?huhhhuuu.sigh*

p/s: one week more-exam n OSCE n pharmaco report plus proposal for MSK (Majlis Suai Kenal) plus ECG study n assisstency.pheww,hope i'll manage to get thru.owh,dun forget to go to mbak warni's!

oh,and thx to juniors 07 for such wonderful nasyeed yesterday!that was an effort n soo cute~!(siap ade conductor sume..hehhe).luv u guys a heap!=D