saya malas

i am lazy.
i had just realized this fact.
i only study to pass exams and i pick topics that are likely to be out in exams.
sepatutnye i must be competent in any topics!!
take an example:
my penguji is a cardiologist. n i was superconfident that my case will be patient jantung.
so i studied only cardio n CHF.
tiba2 i dapat cirrhosis hepatis.
tak baca langsung.
haha.padan muka.
p/s: hope lessons learnt.

sleepyhead

my exam is a few days away n yet here i am with a sleepyhead. my treshold level for exam panicking has increased significantly and look at me, i havent started studying yet. indeed, at all. is this the weigh on effect after being a practical medical student for almost a year? do every practical medical student experience this "futurness" in studies? i don't know, might do a research on that one day. or is it maybe because of i'm having guests at my home, so im making it as an excuse to escape studying (as in having to entertain the guests ahaha). anyhow, gladly i'm done submitting my syarat ujian and lets hope everything goes smoothly, and i'll be ready to face mY OSCE and written exam safe n sound by next week. just wondering who i might get for my exam, will it be dr Bowo? or dr Hemi? or dr Rieska?etc? pinning my hopes high. lets pray hard while waiting for tomorrow.

i can do it

there has been a phase in my life where my thirst for knowledge and my perseverance in studies are at peak. i've done it, and im sure i can do it once again.

~End of Surgery department, welcoming dermatovenerealogy~

Malaysia, on Friday i'll return!

4 days' countdown

exactly 4 days before my sis' big event. and im partially tired, after a week busy on helping to prepare the doorgifts and aparently lately got infected with upper respiratory tract infection (URTI). i cant help but recall my comprehensive test since URTI was exactly the topic i got for my clinical reasoning. uhuh. and it went bad. malaise, feverish, fluish, muscle and joint pain with a slight headache n yeah, precisely ANKLE PAIN, n a sore throat. huhu.

and my parents have started the 'kerahan tenaga' regime. spring cleaning the house. in a few days my house will be packed n jammed with relatives and friends near n far. and i havent renewed my passport yet. sadly im returning to jogja next tuesday. and im considering on going private blogging. like doyot. hehhe.

masa

meluangkan masa sebentar utk menulis. tinggal 11 hari sebelum the big day, hari ujian paling penting, hari H. (25 minus 11). rasanya sangat2 belum bersedia. dah lama xprektis dgn kwn2 main dokter2, tlg sgt2 doakan sy. smlm call mak. mak cerite ttg dirinya yg semakin sibuk (*sgt comel) dgn bilangan pelajar tuisyen yg semakin bertambah + beberapa anak jiran yg minta diajarkan mengaji (* senyum). fatimah dan kak huda pula akn pulang ke rumah esok (fatimah pulang lagi??). mak mintak sy bagi nasihat n semangat ke tma yg sering rasa dirinya inferior krn dikelilingi org2 yg hebat dan berkompetensi dkt UM tu. sy senyum lagi. adekku, jgn rasa2 grogi, buat je. then ttg man yg dah tak rmbut gondrong, rambut makin banyak, his new style for the year 2009 as last yer's prisonbreak scoffield was his 'style in theme'. husna pula semakin cerdik di tabika kemasnya, dan apparently hari2 pressure mak utk nyanyi2 bersamanya, byk betul cikgu tadika dia ajar nyanyi!
tak sangka lg 11 hari je nk balik malaysia. rindu, sangat2 rindu. dgr suara mak dpt semangat baru. kene buat sungguh2 jgn hampakan mak. kejayaan kita mestilah kegembiraan mak. sy hitung lagi masa yg sudah sia2 plus masa yg masih sisa. nampak gaya sy kene pecut! n sy kene berkorban. mungkin sy tak pergi wedding ribki di tuban ptg sabtu ni. sbb tuban tu 4jam dari jogja, mesti sy akn penat nanti stlh kembali ke jogja isnin nnti. kemudian upimi pula ada buat rihlah ke pantai, betolak ptg sbtu ini juga, mungkin sy tak pegi juga. maaf sgt2. bak kata doyot-aku rasa aku perlu masa utk diri sendiri, herm betul2. to doyot n nanie, get well soon dari luka accident! smoga Allah beri kekuatan. .

*kewajipan n tanggungjawab kita melebihi masa yg kita ada- As Syahid Hassan Al Banna.
Mampukah kita nk buang masa lagi? bagaimana nk jwb dgn malaikat mungkar dan nakir nanti?
ingat Allah, jgn sia2kan nikmat masa yg dah dikurniakan, ingat mak n ayah, jgn hampakan perasaan mereka! usaha selagi ada masa....

saya rasa cemas..

bila memikirkan hari esok, sy rasa cemas

mungkin kerana byk lagi lecture notes yg belum sy sentuh

mungkin juga kerana dh berjanji pada diri sendiri utk belajar bersungguh-sungguh since ini adalah blok terakhir sy. tambahan lagi, markah tutorial sy baru-baru ini agak jelik, memandangkan sy seolah-olah dah hilang minat pd tutorial, maklumlah, blok terakhir...teruk kan? jd plan sy adalah utk pulun ujian kali ini, tp nampak gaya, hangat2 tahi ayamlah sahaja.

selain itu, sy ada rasa cemas utk perkara-perkara lain juga. bila fikirkan hari-hari esok. and bila sesetengah perkara melibatkan perasaan org lain. rasa bersalahnya. tak sampai hati.

erm..wajar ke sy merasa cemas. tp memang itu yg saya rasa. blog sy ni mmg byk cerita pasal perasaan kan..tolong ignore je la saya..ya Allah, hilangkanlah cemas di jiwa dan hati sy ni..gantilah dgn keimanan dan keyakinan yg tiada galau ganti..doakan sy ye ujian besok..;)

i-want-the-truth!

these past few days, i get really confused thinking about some things
the world is so confusing at these times

bottomline, i want and demand the truth!and i wanna seek for the truth on my own!!

one step at a time

my upcoming important schedule:
5&6 feb: international health and management of new emerging diseases block exam
23-25 feb: the MOST IMPORTANT EXAM THROUGHOUT MY THEORETICAL MEDICAL YEARS- comprehension test!

27 feb- flying back to MALAYSIA =)
14 mac- compre test result announcement
14 & 15mac- beloved sis huda's wedding!
17 mac- flying back to JOGJA
23mac- if Allah's willing and if i pass compre test, i wil be entering clinical rotation. if not, i'll be entering a month later..

alhamdulillah my thesis exam had been done last week, it went quite well n alhamdulillah we surpassed for an A..=). rite now being superbusy as usual, im concentrating on getting my publication paper done, so that it will all be over quickly. i have many things to tell. later i'll tell bout our 'Untukmu Palestine' forum with MER-C the other day..

chayok...sungguh2..n sincere yaa..one step a time =)

pukul 3 pagi

ada org azan pukul 3 pagi??waktu subuh masuk at 4pm. oh.. mungkin nak kejut qiyammullail agaknye. beberape kali sy tgk jam sy sebab kaget.

herm, teruk betullah knowledge microbe n pharmaco saya! enterococci, enterobacter,a aa same ke ni?

super-busy

declaring that im superr busy at the moment n...hating it?

im so sorry if i cudnt keep my emotions under check at times or if there's some appointments that i couldn't attend to...or meet up with..i'm barely struggling with my own studies at the moment n having to cut out on my own regular sleeping hours..

the 06's are going to have their OSCE exams soon so the 05's assistants are currently struggling to assist them, fulfilling their scheduled practices just as soon as our own class ends, keeping me occupied up to 4pm in the evening...in fact, sum groups are even requesting practices up to 6pm!

but then i suppose, time is an issue for most of us pun, many of us are multitasking n wishing that we have more than 24 hours a day, therefore i should not make excuses, nor complains..just do wut i have to do, n enjoys it..i hope im still one piece intact at the end of the day. pray for me ;) pendadaran (my thesis exam or final presentation) is on next wednesday.

all the best everyone!~

take control

it's been ages since i last watched a movie, but a few days back cekpah came to my room for a chitchat n all of a sudden we ended up watching the movie twilight from a cd. this i suppose is the 4th time cekpah is watching it(hehhe..bocor rahsie hang). if a lesson could be derived from this movie, for me it would be learning 'to take control'. maybe for those who have watched the movie- might be utterly clueless to which scene in the movie im referring to. for information it's the scene when bella's bespectacled friend ( i cant remember the girl's name) was ruminating over eric not asking her to the prom n bella responded by saying 'take control' and ask him instead. the scene might be trivial and the issue is 'super-lame' (who cares bout who dates who anyway-prom..apekahh?) but bella's respond 'take control' is crucial and i think is applicable to my life as a lesson.

i've always been a person who let life travels loosely. i don't put any tight rope to the proper end of it. i live life like water. it just flows. i don't plan. never did. take an example, i didn't even plan to become a doctor when i was in secondary school. i just let time decides, whatever time will bring. and until now, i don't even have a proper plan for my future. i'm only sure that i'd love to further my studies to be a specialist. to think of it it might be 'cewl' just to live life the way it is, but on the other hand, there are loose ends to it. like the saying goes, 'failing to plan means planning to fail'. of course, human proposes God predestines, but being able to plan properly for ur life also means that ur taking control over things that u can change, and the outcome results in u becoming more confident in navigating ur life, which way u want it to be heading.

so in my case, i think i need to re'revise' my life and come out with a certain plan and action regarding it. im 23 year old already, and next year i'll be turning 24. i'm aging, gosh. wut i should do is to start 'taking, remote controlling'-take control of my emotion, the kind of person i want to evolve being, take control over my studies, the kind of doctor i'll soon becoming. taking control also means to minimize worrying, instead-channelling it towards acting as in the saying; 'action speaks louder than words'. although it might not be 100% ideally turns out the way i'd be expecting cause there'll be God's hands in the moulding, at least
--> 'aim for the skies, at least u'll land among the stars'. like arai's quote to ikal from andrea hirata's tetralogi of laskar pelangi said: 'jangan pernah mendahului takdir'-interpreted as; before fate decides ur life, take maximize control over it beforehand. u have the ability to maximize the control over ur life if u believe so!

"..Verily! Allah will not change the good condition of a people as long as they do not change their state of goodness themselves.. " (Ar-Ra'd:11)

another day =)

another day..another adventure! (haha..adventure laa sangaat)..
goin' jogging with iman at 6.30
sending my motor to honda service centre at 8.30 (shock absorber desperately needs to be fixed-remembering ravi shocked face when i incidentally told him bout the shock absorber thing)
going to superindo to buy groceries for our 'masak nasi ayam ramai2 project' at 10.00
fetching kak gym beforehandlaa! =)
doing thesis result interpretation throughout the day
erm wut else?
eyp..

rumah kat mlysia buat ape harini?critelaa..knape man n ecad dh tak slalu online. man kate ade nk tanye akak sumthing?apekah?

*on playing opick nasyeeds from his Ar Rahman album. not bad!

ini man. man looks cute in dis pic.winduuuu~

ini husna kecik2.soo cute ;). mak...nk adik kecik lagik,,!!

ini pulak si debab kak huda kecik2!mum alwiz told that she was supersmart mase kecik2, so protective of me (yeke?kdg2 mcm bully2zemon je..hehhehe). mane gmbr sy kecik2???wuuu...

holidayin'

it's holiday time! this time around my holiday extends from 25 dis till 4 jan. but i'm not going anywhere in the nearest time. stuck in my room having to finish off my thesis since our result seminar is coming soon on the 31st disember. me n kepam are still not done yet with our discussion, but its ok. one step at a time. plenty of time awaits insyaAllah.

my right middle and ring finger still ache after almost a month ( i think?) since i got them injured during our 1st basket game. thanks for the repetitive injuries they had to endure consecutively afterwards (in fact the victim is always those two fingers, i wonder y?-cos i just lurrvvee to tepis bolaa), the ring finger one is no longer straight. seriously it bends! HELP ME HELP ME..(mcm mane nk sarung cincin nanti??). hehhe. my back and abdomen hurts too. =(

kak huda is going back to jb this weekend, she'll be having holidays till next wednesday while tma is already home sweet, oh, how i miss home~! azra is also malaysia home sweet for her brother's wedding. luckily i have cek pah by my side, going through the thicks n thins, lurve you heap dearie ;)

meanwhile, azua (my maahad friend) is planning to visit jogja next year. but since my holidays are still not yet fixed, i just can't give the final say to her to have her flite ticket booked. january n february will be full of course with ppbkk practice ( i really hope so) while middle feb will be the ppbkk exam itself. while for march, most probably i'll be in malaysia while waiting for the ppbkk exam result ( determining whether we could proceed in entering clinical or get delayed). and our pkpmi congress is at bali on middle march (wink-wink*), the two proposed dates for the congress are the 13th-15th or the 20-22nd. i hope approval will be on the 20-22 march since my sister's wedding is on the 14th march and i wanna attend both! (",)..

fani my good friend has been messaging me inviting me to her home in cilegon (nearby jakarta), and keep saying that qaulan misses tante toy..hihi. qaulan is fani's baby, i wonder how big qaulan is right now compared to the last time i saw her from the photos fani sent me. she was so adorable, n small! i so wanna go to cilegon, but rite now i suppose that i have to prioritize, my studies are down in the drain, n i'm completely clueless to enter clinical. definitely i have to consider about my studies...i wonder will i be a good physician with only 'nil' knowledge that i have in my brain? definitely not. so buck it up, toy! ( untuk keamanan manusia sejagat, hehe).

i'm signing off now, if i were to continue, my tales to tell are endless! please pray for me..pray that i'll be a good person. i'll write more soon. missing home! till we meet again...

bersungguh sungguhlah wahai hati...

a small note to my dearest miss heart..

1) hindari angan-angan kosong. segala sesuatu telah ditetapkan oleh Tuhan untukmu!
2) sesuatu dari Tuhanmu itu pasti yang terbaik, tiada syak lagi!
3) bersungguh-sungguhlah dalam meraih sesuatu. terutama menuntut ilmu!
4) jagalah ibadahmu, lapangkanlah dadamu.
5) dlm apa2 pun kondisi dirimu berada, pastikan hatimu sentiasa dlm keadaan tenang dan khusyuk!
6) yakinlah dengan janji2 Tuhanmu, kejarlah tingkat syurga tertinggi!
7) persembahkan yg terbaik buat Tuhanmu, cinta Allah dan rasul harus yg paling utama pd setiap ketika!
8) kurangkan berharap pada manusia, manusia tak boleh menjamin apa-apa tanpa izinNya.
9) sumthing happens simply becos Allah wants it to happen..kun fayakuun
10) jalan ini jln yg menjamin! yakinlah~

main tipu

di saat masa-masa terakhir itu begitu valuable-'the i need all the time in the world' utk belajar moments set in, di saat-saat itulah sy berfoye-foye. inilah yg sy namakan main tipu. hasrat di hati nk belaja, (sungguh, banyak lagi yg belum disentuh!) namun jari jemari ni sungguh merenyam utk click sini sane bloghopping from one to another.haishh....tak bermoral kan?? (kids-don eva try dis at home). yg pastinye sy dptlah beberape inspirasi dr blog2 yg sy bace tuh (byk juge gelak tawa terhibur). dari pagi memang emosi sy tak stabil. entah kenape. mcm tak betul je. pagi tadi sy belaja kat atas bumbung, tempat ampaian sidai baju. bentang tikar kt lantai tu then ambik meja kecik dan duduk bersila. sbb sy tak boleh duduk bilik, mata terlelap-lelap. lagipun 2-3 hari ni langit sangat2 lah cantik esp waktu maghrib menjelang (2 hari berturut-turut dah sy balik menjelang maghrib). langit berwarna oren ke-emas emasan (u all jogjarians ade notice tak??). subhaanallah, memang sangat cantik. (kalauu ayah ada mesti dia dah sebut chanteeeekkk...). siap ada org-org berhenti tepi jalan lagi semata mata nk ambil gamba senja nan cantik tu. jadi niat di hati sy pagi tadi adalah utk belajar sambil menikmati pemandangan langit yg cantik tu. konon2 nk mendekatkan diri pd alam. hehe. herm, pastu call mak smbil kat atas bumbung. mak sy kate pelik. housemate sy pun kate patut pelik, 'ingat ko sidai baju..lame beno kt atas tuhh'...hehee.

begitulah, bile exam menjelma, mulelah macam2 simptoms pelik2 muncul. tak makan nasilah, makan tak berkhasiatlah (mengemil), minum bende2 manis overdose lahh, sakit pinggang belakang lahh, nausea lah,panic attacklah, nk nangis lah, dan macam2 lagi. pendek kata, marilah same2 mendoakan sy agar sy tetap bertahannn dan meskipun satu dunia sy goes awry, sy masih tetap mampu memaintainkan kewarasan diri sy. aminn.

belaja2!

jgn nak berfoye2..exam harii khamiss ni..belajaaa naaa!~

Hari Sabtu =)

Hari Sabtu. Duduk di depan laptopku. usai membaca beberapa chapter dari maryamah karpov, karya terbaru andrea hirata, senang sekali rasa hatiku. masih menimbang-nimbang haruskah ku ikut skills lab family day yang harus berkumpul jam 7 di kampus atau bersantai-santai di rumah, nanti jam 8 berpraktis basket dengan teman-teman seangkatan, itu pasti seru..

Berminggu-minggu lalu jam segini aku masih termangu-mangu membaca ulasan-ulasan dari buku PAPDI, juga melayan bebelan dari buku schwartz dan bates buat diskusi pagi sabtuku, kemudian sendirian membawa motor menongkah ring road menuju condong catur. senang sekali pagi ini rutin itu tidak dipenuhi. tapi ujian blok tercekat menungguku khamis dan jumaat nanti. moodku masih belum set untuk belajar hal-hal emergency. belajar awal bukanlah kebiasanku. memang ngebut belajar itu hobiku. susah sekali memecahkan habit yang tidak sihat buatku ini. dari jam 2 pagi tadi sudah terjaga, entah kenapa, namun konsentrasi masih belum jadi milikku. ahhh moga2 kondisi akan membaik dengan berjalannya Hari Sabtu ini.

Wedding tag

Tagged by NK n doy2..out of sheer nothingness im doing thiss..hehheh~

1) Take a recent picture of yourself or take a picture of yourself right NOW!. 2) DON’T change your clothes, DON’T fix your hair…just take a picture. 3) Post that picture with NO editing. 4) Post these instruction with your picture. 5) Tag 10 people to do this.

1.How old are you?
19 + 4 =P

2.Are you single?
Single mingle jingle bell

3. In what age do you think you’ll get married?
Allah knows when~

4. Do you think you’ll be marrying the person you are with now?
ahaks

5. If not, who do you want to marry?
The person that is matchmade in heaven for me. I'll leave it to Him

6. Do you want a garden/beach wedding, or the traditional wedding?
Beach =)

7. Your ideal motif?
White is nice. Middle eastern style is cute. For sure it's got to be simple but sweet

8. Where do you plan to go on a honeymoon?
Turkey =). Anywhere romantic,ahaha!

9. How many guests do you think you’ll invite?
As many as possible =)

10. Do you want an extravagant wedding or a simple wedding?
said it b4.simple!

11. Do you want the traditional vows or something you’d make up on your own??
if ade, my own of course. so uninnovative to just copy n paste la kan

12. How many layers of cake do you want to have?
3.ni tiru doyot (kehkehh)

13. Do you prefer having your reception at a hotel or at a simple place?
simple place,again.tp hotel pon best je.

14. When do you want to get married, evening or morning?
Terserah.waktu yg convenient utk sume org.hehe

15. You’d rather have your reception outdoors or indoors?
Outdoors (kate athletic..huh?? ape kaitan tahh?)

16. Do you like a grand entrance for your groom/bride?
simple2 dah. he's already hold a special place inside my heart,so y bother?hehe

17. Name the song/tune you’d like played at your wedding?
Lagu P ramlee n Saloma.kidding..hehe,lagu yg nyanyi sendiriklaa-->rakam pastu pasang kat wedding sambil buat muke tak bersalahh (pure2 tak knal suare sndirik).hahhahaa.tipu je..yakin boleh sungguh--keskes~

18. Are you a morning person or a night person?
MORRRRRRningggg

19. Do you want a solemn ceremony or a light one?
light.yg penting akad kan?

20. What age do you want to get married?
Human plans, God destines

21. Describe your ideal husband/wife.
Someone who can accept me the way i am inside out. despite my weaknesses and flaws. org yg bersedia utk bersame2 memperbaiki diri menuju jalanNya.the 'willingness to improve is important'.synergistic and complementing is the key.best in me by Blue sums it all up

22. Do you prefer fine dining or just the normal spoon & fork/knife?
ape2 jelaa

24. Honeymoon right after the wedding or days after the wedding?
right after..ofkoss with Encik betul everyday pun is a honeymoon
25. Money or household item?
terserahhh.hahah

26. Who will pay for the bills?
same2 laa

27. Are you ready for married life?
50-50

28. Do you think you will still be a virgin until u get married?
okfoss...duhhh

29. Will you always be true to your wife/husband?
okfoss!!

30. How many kids do you like?
5 is cute

31. A new house for a newly wed or an old one?
kalo boleh new =)

32. Will you celebrate silver wedding, gold wedding, or diamond wedding?
silver.(main taram je ni)

33. What kind of cuisine would you like for your wedding?
traditional

34. Will you record your honeymoon in a cd or dvd?
mestilaaa..alang2 dah buat majlis..rakam jela sekaliann..

I tag:
1) kak fied
2) saffa (again!)
3) aziah zuber
4) atikah yuyun
5) natasha
6) phaik hsia =)
7) izzah
8) naufa (hehe)
9) rean..ahaha
10) fatin..if ur reading dis darrrlingg

Tag 1

tagged by izzah dearie..sowiee baruu nk buattt,ehehee

(Satu)Do you think you're hot??
tak pernah. biase2 je. suam2 kuku.

(Dua)Upload your favourite picture of you


(Tiga)Why do you like that picture??
sbb bajet cool.pandangan sisi laa konon.hehe

(Empat)When is your last time you ate pizza??
adeh..tak ingat laa..yg pastinye last time kat pizza hut kot.agaga

(Lima)The last song you listened to??
adelah

(Enam)What are you doing right now beside this??
bace blog org lain smbil minun nescafe O sejuk

(Tujuh)What Name would you prefer beside yours??
aaa husna sofia, naufa azhari, nurha iman, umar al faruqi,ade lagii

(Lapan)People i tag??
(on a random note)

1) doyot
2) Nk
3) sAffa
4) kerp da legend =)
5) tasha
6) kurt kudeng and anep azme (slambe letak 2org skali)
7) aziah zuber =)
8) atikah yuyunn


(Sembilan)Who is number 1??
sistaahoood member, tutorial mate, ex-tarannum mate =P ,ex kalam mate, halaqah mate (mmuah2), doy2 si com2, cutie pie, sy suke cubit de n kate de minum susu botol kecik2 n de pandai masak!!


(Sepuluh)Number 3 is having relationship with??
misteri nusantara =P


(Sebelas)Say Something about no 5??
one of best buddies. teman bergayut. ex ktt mate. org kelate. miss her laaa

(Dua Belas)How about number 4??
beloved thesis mate ;). a drum chick, pandai masak (jgn tak cayeee!!), cumeyy, mase ospek 1st yer pakai attribute yg senang tercabut kalo kene tiup anginn waktuu larii (mcm mengkarung tau attribute tuu)..ahahahahaaa~!xleyh lupee aaaa kerpppppp!

(Tiga Belas)Who is number 2??
my cun rawks basketbabe, rainbow republic rulez, mutant mate (ahaahaa). kami boleh same2 masuk oprah book club (haha..betul kan wujud kelab tu?), cik emcee, alwiz a successful event organizor =P

psychosomatic

these past few days i've been having a sorta range of physical impairment signs and symptoms and i blame it on psychosomatic.

panic attack on yesterday mid morning plus stomachache in the evening --> although this might be attributed to my improper eating these last few days yet i still think that my mental played a part.

and this morning, nauseated n loss of appetite, i struggle to finish off my cereal drink.
try, try to think of something happy
i did n i finally gulped the whole drink without realizing.